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Aug. 7th, 2013

(no subject)

Please, dear friends list, I miss hearing about the sordid details of your lives... write me a blog post? Prease?

May. 15th, 2012

A semi-happy post

Well here. Everything I've posted about is chock full of doubt and anxiety about work and whatnot. That's all still there... and it's just as bad. But Jon and I decided to stay in his current apartment so we don't have to find a new awesome neighborhood, location, or landlord. Every time we talk about which couch we'll use or what table we'll keep, I get a hum in my tummy that makes me even more excited and anxious that the summer's only just beginning. One of the guys from Cask Mouse works at HO and said they're having trouble getting a full time lighting tech for 40k a year because it's so little... and that's a fair amount more than I pull in per year. The money's really tempting, but I know I'd still be unhappy doing even less concert work and more corporate. 

The summer crazy is just starting to pick up-- it's been humid and warm since the weekend and I'm doing four days of gigs last week and another four this week... it'll only get crazier. At least it'll keep me from thinking too much. I'm only now beginning to see my current job as a stepping stone-- as a pod in my life, just a time period, just a job I had "straight out of college." It's okay to step around in a career path, and because there's no manual you can't actually do it wrong. I still don't know what my goal is, but at least I know that most "grown-ups" still don't know what they want to do. I'm lucky to have other happy things in my life. I'm trying to bring back my hobbies, I've missed the violin so much. I'm gonna take fiddle lessons.

My mom did a conducting recital for her degree program, and it was such a great reminder of what can be important in life. I got up that morning at 2:30 to drive a truck to work. 5:30 Load in and worked til 4, hopped back in the truck and plunged into rush hour traffic. Jon picked me up and I changed in the car, we got to Wawaloam just as the little kids were singing "Sourwood Mountain." I got to sit next to Mr. Sumerlin, Mimi played a solo that she'd been working on with him, and Becky's teacher played next to her. It was so so lovely to have a breeze of that community. So proud of my momma, she was glowing like crazy.

Bah. Life. Still crazy. Still no right way. But hey, there's music and friends, good whiskey and good beer. If you've still got those, everything else will turn out all right eventually.

Feb. 8th, 2012

Tour Photos!

Here's my photostream, I'll try to keep it up along the way!


Feb. 7th, 2012

(no subject)

Seriously, can we make an awful reality show about my life? First tour. Gonna be okay. Stressful prep weeks. Gonna be okay. Meet third lighting tech, put together gear. Gonna be okay. Midnight before we leave, project manager goes to hospital and stays there. Gonna be okay? Load in in Cleveland... Whatthefuck.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.


Feb. 4th, 2012

Saturday, what does that mean?

I will be ecstatic some time in march when I go to sleep on a Friday night and don't have to set an alarm for the next morning. Sure, I put off packing until ten last night and then watched How I Met Your Mother until about three... But why am I awake at quarter after seven? Wide awake, perhaps in anticipation of my 8:30 alarm?

I guess I should get used to the burning eyelids of four hours' sleep. It'll be fun. And here, to brighten your day, is a picture of my cat attempting to stow away.

And after that failed attempt, a more sneaky approach.

Time to deposit a paycheck and go pack 53' of rectangular, heavy, black things that are worth more than my decade-ly income.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Jan. 28th, 2012

(no subject)

Okay guys, I'm going on tour! Finally! My first real non-douchebag, non-babyraper tour! I'll be back mid-March, and I'm nervous as hell, but I'm so excited. I'm gonna miss my cat and I'm gonna miss my boyfriend, but we're looking at it as our next great adventure in creative relationship-ism. Alyssa's awesome, so she's going to keep my apartment and cat company (hear that, neighborhood thieves?!)

We're busting ass to get everything prepped and my triceps have already greatly increased in size... I feel like this is one more big hurdle in my life that I'm working to clear by several feet-- for anyone who's ever doubted my abilities, attitude, or determination. And I'm doing it for me too. I get so easily scared by big challenges or unfamiliar situations, it's actually less of a monster for me to jump into a tour bus for six weeks than to be a lead or only tech in a local house with people I know. Is that weird? I'm hoping that this experience makes me more comfortable in those situations... more confident in my own knowledge. 'Cause who wants to execute instructions from someone who second guesses herself? I feel that I know enough to know that I don't know shit, and that's definitely kept me from being a confident person on site. I just need the boost that says I know enough to be safe and make a good show happen.

Egh. Sometimes I wish I was an overconfident douchebag type... not one of the idiotic dangerous types, but the type that says "I know what I'm doing, go micromanage elsewhere." But then I second guess and have to ask a question even though I already know the answer. I need to trust that my instincts are correct and are there for a reason, instead of over-thinking every little thing. Then I will have the room to be successful. Then I will have the room to actually be the tech I should be.

Jul. 24th, 2011

Oh the irony!

I had decided to move straight in with Sarah rather than go through the trouble of moving twice in one summer. Nikki was pretty broken up about it. Well y'know what? It's a freakin' awesome thing that Nikki loves me for whatever reasons that she does, cause here I am covered in awesome cats, with my clothing and mattress taking up a corner of her spare bedroom. I gave that first living situation a good run, a whole month and a half before I lost my shit in front of Jonny and three good friends, nearly smacked the crap out of her, and moved out on the next business day. It's great to have good friends and family around when that kind of shit goes down, lest you begin to think you're the crazy one. My mom, Becky, NIkki, Kate, and Jonny got there the same time I did, we had everything packed in a few hours and three awesome friends from work came with a truck to help with furniture. 

Despite being all over the place geographically (between storage, my parents' house, Ben and Nikki's place, and Jon's) I feel way more centered than any of the days I came home to a barking dog, my balding cat, a drunken roommate, and a sterile firetrap of an apartment. The first morning I woke up on Nikki's futon with Janice happily sleeping on my feet, it felt like the sun was shining on my pillow for the first time since I left NH. So here comes the wait, hopefully Sarah will get over her drama soon and absorb the rest of the lease so I don't have to pay 3K for a place I signed over the keys on. I'm in touch with a middle aged woman in Pawtucket who's renting out her spare bed and bath to fuel her furniture refurbishing business, hopefully that can be a step toward reasonable, self sufficient living. 

Jonny's been so amazing, there for me in every way-- he saw the before, during, and after of the whole shebang and single handedly carried all my shit down those stairs and packed it into his van. And he still says I'm perfect, amazing, and all of those unheard of adjectives. Of course he's offered up all that is his to help me with housing and whatnot, but I certainly don't want to take advantage of it too much... y'know how that kind of thing can go sour. I already have a bunch of little things in his basement storage that didn't fit in my unit... good grief I can't wait to wake up with that guy every morning! His birthday was Friday, so I drove up to Somerville after work that night to catch the end of his band's billing. It was super refreshing to be in that kind of bar setting with his bandmates and buddies, it was really fun to get out a little. I drove his drunk ass home and five hours later, 8a.m. when the alarm went off, he was like a damn puppy ready to roll! We went to see a vintage baseball game on a little rescue farm-- free Ipswich ale, free roaming goats (we got to walk one around!!!!!) and it was a freakin awesome afternoon. Oh man oh man. What an action packed Saturday. Dear Diary.

Chuck's asleep across my arm and tummy, Janice is asleep on my feet. Ben and Jay and the circus are in town! Life is pretty good, just need a place to hang my hat for a few more months!!

May. 21st, 2011

(no subject)

It is exceedingly difficult to pack with a cat on my lap, and a new trashy reality show about wedding planners and their overbearing clients.

Earnest opened without a hitch (thank goodness) and now my brain has skipped straight past next week's dance show and on to moving day. Bringing all my crap home the weekend of Mimi's graduation probably isn't the best plan, but it's better than moving right after getting all my wisdom teeth out. That sir, would blow.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

May. 17th, 2011

(no subject)

 Here comes that whole packing and moving ache again. It's the kind of stress that starts in the pit of my stomach and pokes at the lining 'til everything's arranged. I'm not even stressed about Earnest this weekend (it'll be fine, just less grand than the other productions have been) but I think I'm projecting the end-of-year stress onto that work, which is never any good.

Patsy came up to visit this afternoon and see rehearsal in action, so it gave him a little primer for next fall-- I hope he doesn't hate me once he realizes what we've gotten him into.

Moving in with Sarah is going to be a year lease, which I think is a good idea-- it's going to give me a chance to replant my feet on something solid as an adult and college grad. It's been a year since we had to ditch Fern Street in a hurry and I feel like I've been living out of bags since then, having bits and pieces of home up and down three states. It will be nice to have a solid place again, one with neighbors I can ignore and a parking spot that I'll actually leave on most days of the week. I can't wait to get home from work and actually be home; a complete, separate entity with different people, rules, sounds, smells, and sights. A place where I can swear while I go for a walk or have (courteously) loud and raucous relations without having to worry about scarring impressionable minds through my bathroom wall.

Jus' sayin. Yeah it's a little stressful, but I am REALLY excited to continue my life away from this boarding school. Maybe it's just the anticipation trying to leap out of my stomach.

May. 2nd, 2011

Obligatory Important Historical Moment Post

 "They got Bin Laden." Say what now?! Obama went live a little after 11:30 to make an official address. Acting on intelligence, we bombed his complex in Pakistan, dragged him out, and compared his DNA to that of his wayyyyy dead sister.

So there it is. Obama's speech was incredibly touching. A bunch of the kids just ran through the quad chanting "USA" and, of course, got locked out of their dorms.

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